hmmm…good question.

it has been a rough few months, and in some moments i really think it is only january. that there is no way that almost 3 months have passed since my last post.

my mom went into the hospital on december 24th, and with the exception of a rough 48 hours when she went home and then returned, she stayed at the fox chase cancer center until she was transferred to hospice where she passed away on march 5th. she had been battling cancer for 5 years.

i am not completely sure, but i would guess that since moving to MA in november i and/or we have driven back to new jersey almost every week (perhaps every 10 days?). at first we were traveling to tie up loose ends regarding our move, and after christmas it was to make sure that my mom had an advocate in the hospital in philly. i am lucky to have had the flexibility to be able to be there for test results and support and to build relationships with the hospital staff (who are amazing, by the way). all that driving has helped to make the 4 hour car ride seem less daunting and long than it had when we first moved, though it is still not fun. i will have to make the trip several times again soon, mostly to deal with my mom’s estate, but at least once to happily welcome the new addition.

it seems weird to post about this at all, but it felt weirder to think about just picking up and posting about random little life stuff again without acknowledging what happened.

i have a few pictures that i was thinking of posting but, of course, i seem to have left them in new jersey. after the next trip i will put them up, perhaps.

i feel like i should end with something moving, or in tribute, or insightful. i don’t think i have processed this all enough yet to do that. i still think, often, “hey, i should call mom and tell her that i saw…….oh, wait…… yeah. i can’t.”

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p.s. at some point in the last few months the server that hosts all of our sites broke and ate all of my past blog posts, and then i managed to break the computer that had them backed up (don’t drop your laptop on a hospital floor). tom was able to tape and glue most of this site back together (thanks a bajillion!) but there are several pictures still missing. i am going to try to fix those, so if you get this by rss feed, i apologize in advance if the old posts show up as new when i add the pics back in.